I have absolutely no doubt that if I were still in NHS dental practice now, I would be fretting about hitting the 45% target before March 31st. And the reason I’m so confident in my target-attaining inabilities, is that in all the years I worked under the bizarre UDA system, which I will be forever convinced was designed and forged in the bowels of Hell by Donald Trump’s policy advisors, I never hit my targets.

I once got a Grade 5 for CSE maths. In the 60’s and 70’s the Certificate in Secondary Education was in the tier below ‘O’ levels. It was primarily taken by kids who didn’t pass the 11 Plus to go on to grammar school, and I was one of them. CSE’s generally, and the exams in mathematics in particular, were a bit…basic to say the least. “John has two apples, and Susan then gives him one apple. How many apples does John have? Please show your working out.” After I got Grade 5, I steeled myself to retake it. At the resit, I failed completely and was even ungraded.

It was a black day anyway.It had been announced earlier that morning, that Freddie Mercury had died, so I wasn’t particularly bathing my colleagues in the joy-bringing light of my sunny-disposition. I was sitting in my surgery at lunchtime, reading a newspaper (This was the early 90’s, when YouTube was merely a glimmer in Tim Berners-Lee’s eye), when four glum-looking nurses trooped in.

Dental Burnout - Don't look at me, I don't have a clue how you fix it!