As a kid, I was scared of riding on the pavement. I lived in the middle of Birmingham and there were always beat policeman around. One evening, I cycled back from Scouts. It was quiet and there were few people about. As I reached my home – on a busy main road – I experienced a sudden surge of bravado and chanced cycling across the pavement to my door, when a copper emerged out of nowhere from an off-licence. He gave me a five minute dressing down regarding how I was endangering human life and how I had disgraced my uniform.

Just imagine if the newspapers weren't interested in dental disasters